Thursday, July 25, 2013

Foggy

English Prelim oral just finished, today I realized or should I say more aware of my vocabulary standard,way I talk and portray myself. When I was discussing about the oral stuffs with my classmates one of them used some chim word that I don't understand but I was just nodding my head and turn to face the front. At this moment, I was thinking if only my vocabulary was good I will be able to understand and make out what is said... After my oral, the examiner first sentence was "your passage is your worst" that's a little disappointing to hear. Initially, i felt that passage is my best among the other two...This make my confidence level drop even more.. I mispronunce lots of words which I always thought was pronounce like that and for some I am not sure how to even pronounce them. For the conversation, all my broken sentences came out and i was also told of misusing are and is.One of the question the examiner asked was "Whats your favourite food?." I could hardly think of anything.. Most of my problems lays within vocabulary and sentence structures. I used some words wrongly,continuously repetition. Screw it my vocabulary !

Actually the real problem is that I am not even a slightly bit good at holding a conversation with others even EVEN with people I know. So how can I even talk to a stranger,a teacher where people usually say you just need to treat it as a normal casual conversation like with your friends. I am not good at any conversation with anyone ! I don't even know how to express my thoughts,feelings and all. I don't even understand myself, what I want , what I like , what I am thinking of etc. I can't even or know how to show out my emotion or say things well in my daily life I don't know how to this and that. I am really a useless person. A person without a view of herself and not able to say what's on her mind and is just feeling miserable. Even when I feel that there's is a lot of different emotions or thoughts in my mind, I only felt them but I have no words to describe them and I don't even know what it is sometimes.  Expressiveness why is it so important why can't just someone be able to guess certain things that is on my mind or what I would want to say. I really admire those celebrities and idols who can easily take any questions from an interview without not knowing what they are suppose to say. Instead, they are really aware of their opinion and all. They need not need to hesitate much to answer the question. They don't get their words stumbled up or get chaotic about what they should say and go mind blank. Whereas for me, I am the complete opposite.

People have at least some strength or good points in them but I have none seriously just see what am I even good at ? I don't know how to play an instrument,I can't even express my own thoughts. No goal no target no opinion no character no skills no talent and the list goes on... See I am not even clear about them.  I can't even name them out.

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